Top 5 movies.

As a giant nerd I find that I know a lot of information which, while interesting, is completely useless. Let's take a journey into some of it.

(SPOILER WARNING! THIS MEANS DON'T READ IT THEN COMPLAIN THAT I REVEALED STUFF) 
1: The Empire Strikes Back (Original 1980 release) 

 This movie is, and always will be, pure awesome. In a world where people now have to live with the evil of LucasBot 5000, the prequels (Sorry. Just barfed in my mouth a lot), and the continuous changes he makes to the holy trilogy, the original is always best. If you have a bootleg of the laser disc keep it. The original is never coming out on Blu Ray in all it's perfect glory.
 Irvin Kershner directed (See what happens when your director wasn't involved with the Young Indiana Jones? You get quality that lasts), character and story driven, and not having Boba Fett be some daddy issue having cloned pussy, and many other reasons make this movie the best. It has always been, and will always be, my number 1. Hell. The smoothest, most pimp daddy line EVER uttered was in this film. "I love you." "I know." Han's about to be frozen in carbonite, which does have a good chance of killing him, kisses the princess, she confesses her love and all he says, while coolly, yet passionately, looking her in the eyes, is "I know.". Nerds everywhere have been trying to be that cool for decades since. We can't. We're not, nor will we ever be, Han Solo.
 I'm not gonna get started on the special effects, the John Williams music, and the epic fight between Vader and Luke which has a movie twist so great M. Night Shyamalan is still trying to replicate it. I'll be talking for years if that happens. Hell I have been talking about it for years. That's why it's a classic. It will always reach into me and find the emotions it wants to convey and pull them out of me. Luke's fear in the Cave. Han's incredulousness when he's called 'scruffy looking'. Yoda's patient peace (Yoda is a puppet voiced by the great and powerful Frank Oz. Not some computer generated hack job). Even Chewbacca's helplessness when his best friend and hetero-life mate Han's getting frozen into carbonite. Hearing those roars of frustration that he can't save his bro. That he's helpless to do anything to save the guy who's always been there for him. The only thing he can do is watch and protect his girl like he asked. Just stuck there. Watching and helpless...sorry. I'm a little emotional right now. I think it's time to watch it again. You should too. Grab your VHS copy, bootleg Laser disc, or if you're lucky actual Laserdisc. Nuke some popcorn. Sit down and watch it.

2: Terms Of Endearment

 If you aren't moved by this movie you are one unfeeling bastard and should probably kill yourself because you have no soul. Every moment of this movie is beautiful. Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, and Jack Nicholson star in this beautiful movie about the growing together of a mother and daughter. I love it. From Debra (Emma is her character's name) marriage to Jeff Bridges (Whose name is Flap. Yeah. He does deserve all the wedgies you're picturing) to their estrangement and reconciliation, the relation ship between Jack and Shirley, and to the bitter, beautiful, heartbreaking end. This movie is a perfect movie for a date, to help you get over the loss of a loved one, or just because you feel the urge to cry and need a little help. I, personally, watch it every Valentines Day. Nothing wrong with a dude wanting a good cry.

3: Dawn Of The Dead (Original 1978 George A. Romero release)

 Zombies. Yes zombies. Why are we so afraid of them? Is it because they mock the whole 'Rest in Peace' shtick? Is it because it's a monster carrying the face of a loved one because it once was that person? Why? They're so damn slow (I'm not buying fast moving zombies. The body is dead. It's gonna rot and fall apart amongst other things.), they're dumb, uncoordinated, and can barely use simple tools. Why the hell are we afraid of that? It's because they never stop, can't be killed, or even hurt, unless you remove the head or destroy the brain, mock the living by wearing their loved ones flesh, and never stop. Yes I said never stop twice. They don't stop to rest, check their Facebook, sleep, or any of that crap we do. Once they see you they follow you and will always be following you. You sleep, they're still following. You stop to eat, they're still following. Slowly gaining. Always moving towards you. No fear. No emotion. Just the compulsion to eat you.
 Dawn of the Dead is the sequel to Night Of The Living Dead (Another classic) and it's tag line says it all, "When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.". It shows you the quest to survive that four people go through when they stop to rest and plan their next move at a mall. The zombies, always coming towards them. Always trying to get into the mall they're in. Not just because there's fresh meat (Them) in the mall but because they are drawn to it. The bodies are so used to always going there that they keep going, even in death (The consumerism allegory that the zombies are seen as). But the movie isn't about just the monsters. It's about how the people react in the situation. What their emotions and actions are when the end of the world is happening, or at least the sudden violent change of civilization as they know it. The fear of uncertainty that comes with a lack of communication with the outside world when everything beforehand was horror and pain and death. How solitude, even when people are around, can be a bad thing. These are some of things that make this movie great. That is why I love it too this day.

4: Shaun Of The Dead

 I just love this movie. The fact that George Romero saw it and gave them the rights to use Dawn's soundtrack immediately endeared me to this movie. The bro team of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are fan-fucking-tastic! Also the majority of the cast of Spaced is also in it and if you don't love Spaced you're probably someone who worships the Jersey Shore and I want you dead. The movie is just good clean fun. It's got zombies, nerds, funny bits, Bill Nighy, and British People galore. How can you not love it?

5: Finding Neverland

 Yes. The Johnny Depp. He is one pretty dude and a damn fine actor. He's the only reason I watch any Tim Burton movies anymore. The fact that he, Kate Winslett, and Dustin Hoffman were in this movie just added to an already beautiful heartwrenching story. The creation of Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie (Depp). If this didn't touch your inner child (and not in the I was touched by a preacher way) I will sit you down, strap you to a chair, pry your eyes open, and reprogram your robot ass. Seriously. I don't care how Alpha Male you are, deep down you have something that loves the idea of flying and fighting pirates and never growing into the old, bitter, bastard you are. Finding Neverland had great acting, directing, and visual effects. Johnny Depp's portrayal of Barrie and how he created Peter Pan was perfect. The inspiration Barrie gained from the Davies' (Winslett) family to create a play about a boy who'd never grow up and always have adventures was outstanding. I don't give a shit if it wasn't a completely true story. What matters to me was that it was a good story. I love every moment of it. Even the crying.

So that's My Top 5 Movies. This was fun. Now if you'll excuse me I have to slip into my Super Mario and start marathoning them all.

Here's my first Top 10 list. Why? Because I want too.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Twilight

1: It exists. (Do I need more reasons? That's like needing more reasons from someone for hating child rape.)
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Was it heavenly?

 I had me some Halo Burger today. There I was, at the auto shop next door, again, when it hit me. Why not? So I walked to the Halo Burger and gave it a shot.
 I was greeted as soon as I walked through the door. Gave the place my usual once over. It's insides are trying to be '50's malt shop-ish. Straight forward menu. Burgers. Chicken sandwiches. Chicken nuggets. The usual burger place faire. I am happy that the menu states what exactly comes on the burgers and sandwiches. Big letters. Can't be missed unless you're blind or are a complete botard. I order me a quarter pound burger with bacon and some fries and away my food journey goes.
 Not bad. My burger is moist and tasty. My bacon is at that level of not too chewy and not too crisp. The iceburg lettuce could have been fresher and the fries could have had some kinda of seasoning to make them tastier but outside of those tiny things not a bad burger. If you're in the mood for a quick burger with the bare necessities on it I'd suggest this place. It's friendly, quick, and, of course, serves grilled mammal flesh in buns and there is nothing wrong with that.

Halo Burger
Fenton, Michigan
Burger Joint
3 out of 5
http://www.haloburger.com/

I wish I was an X-Man again.

 Thank the GODS that it's not another Brett Ratner (Why do people let this douche-a-tron make movies?) or who ever the Hell made that Wolverine X-Men movie! That being said it's time to pick this movie apart. For fun. 'Cause I'm all mean and bitter and smell like bacon.
 First of all good job guys. The simple fact that Brett Ratner is to movies what shitting your pants is to getting laid was nowhere near this movie gives me a big happy. Matthew Vaughn, as a director has given us some quality stuff already, did a great job. James McAvoy as, kind of a poon hound, Professor X, Micheal Fassbender as a bad ass Magneto, and of course The Bacon as Sebastian Shaw make a great cast. Not to say the rest of the cast didn't do a great job but these guys were the best of them. Kevin Bacon brought a nice casualness to the energy absorbing villain Sebastian Shaw, Fassbender definitely had the tortured rage and known power of Erik Lehnsherr down, and McAvoy played a nice walking Charles Xavier.
 The rest of the cast was a bit hit and miss. I feel that they could have tried to get more out of Rose Byrne. Sometimes she was good on screen sometimes she was s'alright. The same goes for Nicholas Hoult. His portrayal of Beast was so-kay. January Jones could have easily been replaced by any random hot blond chick walking around in sexy lingerie. Yes I know she was Emma Frost but honestly I expect more bad ass bitchery from the White Queen. The rest of the cast was good for what they were to me: A bunch of random actors that I didn't know but still fit well into their roles.
 Visually the movie was great. Superpowers and blue chicks wearing nothing galore! Cosmic energy powers, dragonfly wings, teleporting kill demons, oh my! On the visuals alone this was great in the theater. At home on my televisionator it's still holds up. Definitely pick this up for your library. Pop it in your DVD/Blu-ray player, crank the sound system, and enjoy the ride.

X-Men: The First Class
DVD/Blu-ray
4 out 5

I am Iron Man

 The words 'Robert Downey Jr. is perfect for the role of Tony Stark' doesn't come close to telling you how absolutely, fucking perfect he is for this role. The way he plays billionaire/industrialist/inventor Tony Stark is exactly how every fanboy pictured him to be. Smooth. Confident. Able to go from inventing a new power source for a handheld, non-lethal, laser made from a toaster to banging supermodels in the blink of an eye. Robert Downey Jr. walked into this role and showed you what perfection was.
 The rest of the cast is none too shabby either. The cold calculation that Bridges brings to Obidiah Stane. The robotic old-worldy butler voice of Bettany as J.A.R.V.I.S. Terrence Howard as the slightly uptight James Rhodes. Hell I even enjoyed Gweneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts (I really don't expect much from her so when I enjoy her on screen, for even a moment, I call it a win for her). Jon Favreau did a nice job getting this bunch of talent together and getting some great performances out of them. Also a shout out to Marvel Studios. This being their first foray into the movie making world they knocked this one out of the park.
 Is the movie itself perfect, no. There does seem to be one missing element to bring it into the land of perfection. I still haven't figured out what it is but one day I will. It's got great acting. The script is solid. The special effects are awesome. Iron Man's suit looks great. Even the heavily ACDC soundtrack works beautifully. It's just not perfect. Not to say this movie isn't an automatic buy. Buy it. You need to have it. Go grab it on the Blu-rays or the DVDs. You won't regret it.

Iron Man
Blu-Ray/DVD
4.75 out of 5

Bangkok Peppers Too

 Hmmmmm...there's a lotta white people workin' here. That's my first thought as I walked in. That didn't bode well for my belly. Still need to give this place a shot. It's the only Thai place within a billion miles of where I live so it had better blow my mind or, at the very least, offer me some surprises in this land of mediocre foods.
 Service wasn't half bad. Bright. Cheerful. Quick, but not so quick that it made me feel like they wanted me gone. So far, so good. Ordered the curry puffs and a yellow curry chicken noodle dish (I don't remember the name of it and I'm not gonna butcher it's name right now). Wait. Where's the soy sauce? Where's my chopsticks? I have to ask for these things. Booooooooooo! You're an Asian style food place. Why in the Nine Hells do you have salt and pepper on the tables but no soy sauce? That's straight up retarded. I don't care that these ignorant honkies are too stupid to know the proper condiments. Get it right. Have some soy sauce and cock sauce (Sriracha people) on the table. Make these morons out here taste and fall in love with it.
 Outside of my mini rage burst for having to ask for the basics (C'mon! You're a Thai place and I have to ask for soy sauce?!), the food was okay. Sometimes kinda bland and a bit over-cooked (The chicken was really dry), but what else is there for me out here. I guess my quest for good Asian noms in the land of the White Devil is going to continue.

Bangkok Peppers Too
Fenton, Michigan
Thai
Rating: 2.5 out of 5

A little something funny to pass the day away.

When I saw this it made me think of you.

Not really. No. It's just something I find to be cool and absolutely true.

Ramen. Why do I love you?

  Ramen. Why do I love it? Why does it always call to me when I feel the urge to eat? It's just noodles, seasoning, and water but yet...it's always wanted in my belly. We've all had it and know for a fact that it's the cheap food that college students eat because they are saving their money for the terrible moose piss they call beer. Yet I'm drawn to it. Always. Why? Is it because you can get seventy of them for a dollar? Is it because it's easy to make? All you do is boil water, add noodles, then add seasonings. You're done. You eat. You're full of noms. Is it because it's authentic Asian cuisine? Yeeeeeeah that last one is total B.S. Still I love it. In a world with bacon wrapped filets cooked to medium rare with a nice side of garlic mashed potatoes, sushi, and many other noms I still go back to The Ramen. Chicken flavored of course. Why would I get any of those other flavors? The chicken is perfect.
  Of course I doctor mine up a bit now a days. A little chili garlic paste, some soy sauce, fish sauce, lemon juice, rice vinegar, sliced red onion, mushrooms, and some green onion. Nice and tasty. That's just one of the ways I have made myself The Ramen. I've used the Ramen as a side dish of noodles. Made the bacon ramen....I'm trying to think of the other ways I've made it but I'm stuck on these. They're so very tasty.
  The question will plague me until the end of days I bet. Why do I love it? Why do I eat it? Will I hide inside a blanket fort so no one can see my secret shame of loving Ramen? How spicy will I make it next time? Maybe have it with a little soy, sriracha, a few mixed veggies, and maybe some sliced chicken in it next time. Now that I think about it I am running a bit low. Only have 30 packets left. Now if you'll excuse me I'll be over here. Contemplating these questions and eating more Ramen.

Sagebrush Cantina. It's pretty tasty food.

Today I went to the Sagebrush Cantina in Fenton with my mom (Yeah. I went and had dinner with my mommy. My mommy loves me and says I am special which is why I have to wear this protective gear to protect my specialness). It's your fairly standard Tex/Mex restaurant. Tacos, nachos, enchiladas, the regular stuff you expect to get at most of these types of establishments. No real surprises on the menu.

As with all GOOD Tex/Mex restaurants they start you off with chips and salsa. The salsa here is top notch. This is probably some of the best salsa I've had. It's got nice flavor. A nice amount of heat to make your nose run a bit. You know anything that's supposed to be spicy isn't good unless it gives you a little bit of sniffles. The chips are a bit on the fragile side though. Tasty but tend to crumble 5/8ths of the time. Still they're a good platform for that sweet, sweet salsa.

The entrees are pretty tasty too. I got the tacos of various meats. Steak, shrimp, and chicken. The chicken taco was tasty. The shrimp taco was tasty. Aaaaaaand the steak taco was tasty, if a bit tough at bites. I'm thinking that they need to tenderize it a bit better. The pico de gallo they make adds a nice crisp taste to it. The sides do need some work though. The beans were a bit gritty, but tasty. The rice was a bit bland though.

Other than those small things this place is pretty good. Definitely a place for you to get food if you're out in Fenton, or as I call it The Desolate Wastes. The food is good, the service is good, and damnit you need to try this salsa. The salsa is there for you to go and try right now. Sweet Jebus you need to try this salsa. When you do I'm fairly certain you'll thank me. And bring then me some.

Sagebrush Cantina

Fenton, Michigan

Tex/Mex

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Website: http://mysagebrushcantina.com/

Not Quite Hollywood. Yeah. It still looks pretty sweet.

Now I love a bit of exploitation in my movies. Blaxploitation. Sexploitation. Mexploitation. Pretty much anything that was created in the Grindhouse era because, lets face it, the -sploitation sold movies. I didn't know that there was an Ozsploitation genre. I mean I knew there were Aussie movies but I really didn't know the extent, or how young, the industry over there was. Mad Max. Crocodile Dundee. Yahoo Serious. Yeah I was pretty limited.
Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of OZplotation, by director Mark Hartley, is a great watch. Not just because of the amazing amount of 70's boobs we get in the first 20 minutes but because it's actually pretty good. It shows you the birth pangs, and then the explosion, of the Australian movie industry (movies like Stork, Alvin Purple, and Eliza Fraser), the awesomely bad, and some really good, horror (Patrick, Long Weekend, Roadgames and the like), the Action movies (Mad Max, Stone, and BMX Bandits), and the new blood starting it all again (Wolf Creek, Saw, Rogue). It shows you this journey in a nice visual way. By throwing lots of flashy explosion scenes, action scenes, boobs, bullets, and blood all over the screen.
With interviews with Aussie greats Tim Burstall, Rebecca Gilling, and Brian Trenchard-Smith among many others, the movie serves it's purpose. It entertains and informs. What more did can you ask for? Also Quentin Tarantino is a big part of it so if you love The Quentin, and you missed this movie, you're slipping in your old age. Get up and grab this movie. You won't be disappointed. Also if all of this fails to grasp your heart strings there's at least boobs, explosions, and more boobs in it to keep you in your seat.

Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of OZsploitation
Directed by Mark Hartley
Released in 2008
Magnolia Home Entertainment, Magnet

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here's the first one with all the talky talk.

As I embark upon this blogging journey with you, allow me to tell you what to expect here. I am posting my opinions about things that I enjoy. Movies. Food. Books. Whatever I feel like. Why? Because I'm bored and quite honestly I like to do such things. I like analyzing stuff. It gives me a happy. Will I be serious? Yes. Will I tell jokes? Of course. I'm a funny lookin' guy (See what I did there? HA!). Other than that I must say this blog is mainly for my amusement and for me to maybe help people try stuff that they should already be doing. If you don't like the things I say, remember that the mouse can easily click you away from me. If you like what I say then good sir, or ma'am, you and I can totally be friends. Or you're a secret government clone of me sent to destroy me and take my place. Don't be a knowingly ignorant douche of interstellar proportions once you do. If there is anything I'm missing here I'll get to it later. I will now return you to your regularly scheduled Interwebz wanderings and porn pop-ups.

Just a little something I made to start this up. Enjoy.